Following The Flow

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We are conditioned to be structured. Through the educational system and then later in life, we are conditioned into the idea of structure and routine. Work, eat, sleep and repeat. One day is similar to the next with very little divergence. This works well until that moment when something feels slightly off. Sometimes it can be just a simple feeling that something doesn’t make sense or sometimes something radically alters our worldview. The end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, losing a job or suffering a financial loss. We find, then, that our most carefully constructed model starts feeling obsolete. The immediate thought is that something is broken and needs fixing. So we go about trying to fix the problem, again, another conditioned response. We find, though, that the harder we try to fix the problem, the more it persists and despite our best efforts, the problem simply does not go away. We find ourselves stuck.

Rumi states, “the wound is where the light enters.”

However, at this stage, we see this wound as a problem and not a blessing and certainly not an opportunity to know ourselves. No, we need to fix this problem as it is causing us pain and we have been conditioned to run from or avoid pain. Unfortunately, in this situation, try as we may, we can’t run. So, the search for the solution continues. We then come across spirituality and see it as the panacea for all of our problems. Again, our conditioned response is to try and understand so that the agitation will go away. We don’t see that, if we were to simply accept our agitation and wallow in the mire, that this acceptance of the agitation may set us free. We persist - the mind whirs on looking for a solution to its agitation - believing that this unsolvable conundrum can be solved. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Let us now play with the scenario that some sort of an acceptance occurs and what is experienced is our true self. We have experienced who we truly are and a sense of peace pervades our being. Things just seem to flow and we realise the mind is silent. Things make sense and the need to know, discuss or debate dies.

As we settle into this, which is, in fact, living as we actually are, we find a trusting start to occur. The mind being stilled also sees questions that have preoccupied us, such as,

‘How will I survive?’,

‘Will my bills be paid?’,

‘Will I lose family and friends?’

seem to just fall away. We find a freedom that has always existed in us but now is more apparent. We live in the moment and are continually shown our story isn’t real. This constant disproving of the story deepens our trust in what is and a recognition occurs that what I am trusting is not separate from me. Trust deepens and we find life flows; we can trust this flow as it is always taking care of us. There is a surrendering to life that it will always do what is right for us. The eternal mystery is accepted without the need to know and life simply is.

Following the flow, then, is following yourself in the truest sense of the word. Accepting yourself and trusting yourself. It is seen that we cannot escape this and nor would we want to, as, where can we go where we are not? The collective is seen as one and all that is met is a meeting of oneself. The more the flow is followed, the more we see ourselves in every instant as we truly are.

Realising Infinite Possibilities

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If I take a position, if I create a belief or if I think a thought to be real, I have trapped myself and I am no longer free. By taking a position or forming an opinion, I then must defend that position, as humans being as they are, do not like the discomfort that comes with having to admit you were wrong. We are conditioned to celebrate our successes, not our failures, and, as such, to avoid failure, we will, most times, double down on our position, even when we know it to be wrong in the hope that it may be proven right. The stock market illustrates this beautifully in the action of novice investors who, upon finding themselves in a losing position, will sometimes double down or take further losses on the hope that the market will rebound and they will recoup their losses, instead of just cutting a losing position. The desire to be right is so strong that many a time we will take loss after loss rather than admit we were wrong.

This behaviour is seen in all facets of life and the spiritual community isn’t exempt. Let us take the example of awakenings. I have, over the years, had many stories of awakening narrated to me. What is common in so many of them is the desire to have an awakening that is almost identical to the awakening that happened previously. Anything that occurs which isn’t like that will be immediately dismissed and not accepted causing the seeker to continue seeking. This is an example of taking a position which excludes all other positions. We are then limited and unable to open to the infinite possibilities that occur in every moment, simply because we have taken a position. We are now honour bound to defend that position and add more evidence to the position to justify our taking a particular stance. All compounding into a narrowing of thought which now cannot accept another point of view. With the passing of time, this narrowness of thought becomes even more constricting and, unless we are met with an overwhelming shock to our way of thinking, or if we can incrementally and progressively change our thinking, we will find ourselves unable to fully experience our true nature…

What then to do? If we can become aware of the problem, then that can start us on the process of accepting and being open to whatever the moment brings. In turn, this can lead to a dropping away of the stories that have been held in place. Namely that a certain position can only be that way. As we move towards openness, there is more trusting and a greater acceptance of what may occur. We are then not limited but open to any possibility occurring in the moment. This can bring up excitement, curiosity, and a natural enquiry. A wanting to know what can happen but also a resting in not needing to know the answer. A complete trusting. In this trusting, we are turned inwards and an exploration naturally occurs effortlessly and without intent or purpose. We are absolutely free in this space. Ideas, concepts and even the idea of the other cease to make sense. There is only this moment. Singular, whole and complete. A place of infinite possibilities.

A place where you are emphatically you.

What is This?

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There are as many ways to see this reality as there are people on this planet. Such varied descriptions of this reality have led to the rise of religions, spiritual approaches, and methodologies. Each claiming to be the most accurate way of seeing reality. This has on occasion led to a reinforcing of duality, of separation, as the various proponents of their approaches have argued that theirs is, not only the most accurate way of seeing reality, but the only way.

I have always argued that this shows more about the follower of the approach as opposed to the approach. Normally, a lack of confidence makes us shout even louder that only our way is right. In this, we commit an injustice to ourselves and those around us. Closing ourselves off to any other approach and, in many cases, blindly following a path which leads us further and further away from who we truly are.

The simple answer to the question posed is simply, I do not know, and I think we can never know, and yet this exploration and enquiry continue. Although, it may appear futile as words can never adequately capture what this truly is. There is a purpose, firstly, to serve as a guidepost almost pointing ourselves and others in the way towards realisation and, secondly, to allow us to see the vastness and yet intimacy of this reality. To naturally bring up a humility and gratitude, and watch as that fuels further exploration and enquiry. It may be argued that this creates further seeking, but, if we consider that we are not separate from this reality, then we go from seeking to seeing. To become aware that what is being pointed to and explored is our true nature. Who we really are.

I have found from this perspective, this seeing creates an effortlessness and a natural curiosity. An impersonal desire emanating from this consciousness wanting to know itself. Echoing the Hadith Qudsi

 

“I was a treasure I wished to be known.”

 

I have always pondered why this Hadith would state this and I can only offer forth the following observation: that reality wishes to know itself and, as such, sets up the whole play of life to explore more of what it is. In that sense, it doesn’t have parameters or is limited. It is vast, beyond comprehension and able to hold all positions, and yet none. All and nothing occur in it and, yet, there is nothing definitive about it. In that lies its wonder, that, however much we enquire or explore, we will never plumb the depths of the ocean that is life.

Life then truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

This Play of Words, This Symphony Divine (Cette symphonie divine)

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This play of words, leading to futility. A necessary exercise in failure for which the reason cannot be known. Maybe by pointing, someone will go past my words and realise the word is not the thing.

Why is fanciful explanation needed? Why do we so wish to overcomplicate things? Is it because the mind wants kudos, that, in its cleverness, it was able to produce the most accurate description of reality and therein lies the problem. In our attempt to know this, we have built huge edifices to truth. We appointed ourselves as custodians, and then, in that final act of arrogance.

That there is no way but this way. That this is the final and ultimate truth. After this, there shall be no more. Heed our warning or you will be in peril, and you will have upset our God, who will strike down upon thee in terrible vengeance.

The innocence of the heart objects; is this realisation not our birthright?

Blasphemy; blasphemy is heard from the pulpit. How dare you question our omnipotent God. Even though we secretly know we have created this false God. So, we condemn and go to war and yet that innocence, the beautiful child, that timelessness, dances amongst us immune to slander, knowing no pain or lie. It is our moment of vulnerability, the intimacy when we are alone, this sweetest of symphonies, whirling away in the sweetest abandon.

Constantly reminding us,

Remember who you are.

Remember who you are.

 

(Inspired by Shostakovich Waltz No2)

Keystrokes…

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There is utter silence. After years of frenetic activity, there is finally silence. This silence is occurring in the most unusual of places and it turns my focus inwards. Sometimes, I struggle to function and must come out of the silence, but, I sense its call drawing me back.

I have found now that I want a life outside the constant talks and producing content, and there is a settling and a desire to put down roots.

It’s about caring for me now, about caring for my family and mending relationships that suffered as I constantly moved about travelling and speaking. I have spoken of this for years and made attempts to do this but now I see it is occurring naturally. There is a structure occurring in this work, and yet, there is a real freedom in this structure. There is a joy in writing now and exploring the theme of self-realisation.

I recently registered that it had been sixteen years since I stopped seeking and it is bringing up new insight, and I find myself looking at the topic of self-realisation differently. I am excited and I can’t remember how long it has been since I felt like this. I feel things and those feelings provide insight at a depth I have never known. I know the word deepening is inadequate, but that is how it feels. Like a child exploring their terrain, I am exploring once again. Taking tentative steps and becoming aware of all these beautiful expressions that exist.

“The heart has its own language. The heart knows a hundred thousand ways to speak.”

- Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi

There is a joy with each keystroke and seeing words appear on the screen. Ideas appear in a non-linear fashion and, like a child throwing paint on a canvas, I find a beauty in this, and yet I am finding the non-linear is leading to the linear. What will this exploration throw up? Where will this lead? I explore the vastness I am. Like a visitor fascinated by seeing that masterpiece for the first time and witnessing its magnificence wanting to drink in every detail.

Those years of chaos are being replaced by a structure and yet there is freedom in this structure.

What will this exploration bring up next?