On anxiety

I am scared and anxious. This is not a feeling I am used to. Again, it makes sense that I sit down with this new friend. We stare at each other attentively; something is so familiar about this new arrival. Why could he possibly be here? I know I am experiencing stress, I am fearful of this work I do. It seems to be changing, another transition is afoot and yet this transition occurs in the now. I know this, I experience this, and yet, this new arrival has me baffled. My mind throws up explanations - “oh, you are changing, this work is changing, there is more responsibility and let’s be honest, you don’t do to well with responsibility do you?”

The mind, now in a frenzy, paints ever-detailed paintings sending me into a tailspin of fear and anxiety.

‘Stop, stop, stop,’ I cry. The laboured breathing slows down; the racing mind stills. In that moment, acknowledgement of my new friend occurs. In this acknowledgement, I see that my new friend is not separate from me and I am not separate from him. The idea of two, the subject and the object ceases and a realisation emanates from where I know not. This is not who I am, this is a story I created. A construct I constructed to help me navigate through this illusory existence called life. This isn’t me. Wherever this emanates and returns to is who I am. A simple moment; an immediacy. Just this.